Random Rant

Another rant that has nothing to do with writing.... well, maybe a little...

Love is not being in a relationship when it's convenient or when it works for you. Love is sharing your life with someone else, each adjusting to be part of the other's life. It's not all encompassing, you can spend time apart in your own interests but your soul mate is always on your mind. I guess I write this because my ex had an obscene idea of what "love" was and probably still does. Can't say I wish him well, but I don't think about him all that much.

Except last night, I was lying in my true love's arms and I actually felt pity for my ex for a small moment and I'm not even sure where it came from... maybe from the realization that we never ever once had love. You see, love is being held in your true love's arms as you fall asleep. Not because he was also going to bed, but because he wanted to be there. Love is knowing I sleep better with him there and so he climbs in next to me and holds me until I fall asleep; not just one night or every couple nights, but each and every night. Love is knowing that he'll never hurt me purposefully. Love is knowing that he will always answer the call when I need him. Love is knowing that he will drive out at midnight to rescue me while you (dipshit ex) wanted to roll over and go back to bed, with your mistress no less.

You see, my boyfriend and I were friends before we fell in love, although I guess he got hit with the cupid arrow before I did. He knew I'd had a crappy relationship and he was there for me through the fall. He waited patiently, always by my side, as I healed and became ready for real love. He's been with me through ups and downs, thick and thin, even when it probably drove him nuts.... he's been there. When it was difficult, he strapped on his hot toolbelt and got to work. He didn't go running for the easiest way out.

And I've changed too. Before I was always too emotionally bottled. Too afraid to voice my opinion and bring wrath upon myself. But love is not wrath, has no wrath. We may have arguments and hurt one another unintentionally from time to time, but there is never wrath or deep pain. We come together and work it out, honestly with each other. And that's the greatest gift of true love... the ability to be myself and not feel sorry for it or ashamed of it or want to change it. I can be me and he accepts every facet of it with love and understanding.

When I told him I wanted to write a book (what do you know, writing did make it into the topic), he didn't stare at me asking me why or what purpose it would serve... He smiled and said, "go for it". When I say "I can't make it." he holds me tight and says "Yes you can." He is my angel, my Warrior, my rock, my comedian... he is whatever I need him to be. I don't know what I did to deserve him, but I would never let him go. Love is not always happy, or patient, or even kind... but it is constant. And through everything we face together, that one fact is obvious and present. We always have, will, and do love each other. And that is real love, better than any convenient love or fairy tale love.

Baby, my heart is always and forever, yours.
Jennifer