Since it seems to be a favorite topic of bloggers and, well, crazies everywhere lately. Here's my take on winning as it goes with my life currently.
Winning:
1. Finding seven pairs of pants in the storage tub that I haven't been able to wear for 8mos-2 years. No joke, it's like getting a new wardrobe for free. Add to that 4 sweaters/tops and several jeans and skirts that are sooo close to fitting, and I'm a happy lady.
2. Feeling "right" again. I remember when I started having issues in school, I felt frustrated and told my instructor (who was and is amazing by the way), "I don't know what's wrong? It's like my brain isn't connecting with my body!" Looking back, it's amazing how we can stumble across the answer without realizing it. Being diagnosed a short 3 months later and finding out my brain really wasn't connecting with my body was an ah-ha moment. I'll trust my gut and my body from now on. I'll never let myself fall so far again. It will take more treatment, battles, and struggles to get evened out and off the medications but I'm ready.
3. Being okay with being afraid/vulnerable. This is a big one for me. Those who know me would say I'm invincible, nothing phases me... Those who really know me understand that I have a lot of vulnerabilities and scars. I just don't let them show. I don't like people seeing or knowing they've hit me in a weak spot or even knowing there are weak spots. But every armor as chinks that let weapons through. This whole moving into a house for both of us with all our stuff combined stirs up old demons. Add having odd hours, rarely seeing each other, and the stress of my HUGE to-do list causing little setbacks in the disorder... Well, I just laid it all out on the table for him. Decided to heck with it, he'll think I'm crazy but at least he'll know what my head is going through... He was calm, understanding, and loving through it all. He is absolutely wonderful and I'm so lucky... which leads to...
4. Having the most wonderful partner on the planet! He loves me crazy, he loves me sweet, he loves me childish, he loves me smart, he loves he mad, he loves me happy... Anyway, he loves me no matter how I come. Finally realizing it (and thanking him) has its own sort of freedom. I bared my soul and how I was feeling and he accepted it with love and understanding. It's hard to explain... but there were no judgments, no accusations, no twisting of words. Just a "Are you okay?" and "What can I do?"
5. Finding a book that you loved. Yeah, yeah, minor compared to the others right? Wrong. If you follow any of my other sites, you'll know I recently acquired a COMPLETE collection of Edgar Allan Poe from Barnes and Nobles for an amazing $20. And the book is gorgeous as well. I would gladly have paid more for it. Why? Because I love Poe? Well, sort of... Let me explain. For years and years I have been on the hunt for a true complete anthology of his. Most of the ones I found or ordered only had his well-known works and sadly my favorite Poe works do not fall into that category. It ties into a memory of time with my Granny and my mom. My Granny had a book of similar size to the one I purchased. The edges of the pages had tarnished gold leafing to them and the thin pages were finger worn. I loved that book so! Her and my mom would read me pieces from it, using different voices or playing up the rhymes... Or I'd sit as the sun rose or set, reading away on the loveseat. Unfortunately when I asked my Granny if I could possibly have the book many years back, she couldn't find it. It felt like I'd lost a friend of my childhood. Given how much we moved, I'm not surprised I likened a book to a friend. I have no "I've known them all my life" people friends besides my immediate family. So, finding this book and opening it to read the stories and poems of my youth is like a reunion of sorts. Silly to some, but some will understand. It's like a smell bringing a memory...
6. Being Motivated. Yes, when I write it out I am still intimated and scared shitless by all I have left to conquer. But that's okay, I can still stand tall and face it. I will not bow in the storm of uncertainty, but stand tall and fake the brave face if I must. It was something I was once great at doing, but lost in the trying last months of school. Well, not lost but buried under doubt and fear. Here I stand, pen in hand, looming o'er the list and reading to hack at it with confident strokes.... yeah, a little melodramatic but you get the picture. Winning is having the motivation to WANT to finish it all. To attack my goals and dreams with gusto again.
Anyway, there's the short list. And yes, it's the short list. I'll be studying to attack my first registry exam near the end of this month, then I have to attack the other one. I'm working like crazy and I've impressed my new boss (always a bonus right). Still in the process of getting ready to move.
5. Finding a book that you loved. Yeah, yeah, minor compared to the others right? Wrong. If you follow any of my other sites, you'll know I recently acquired a COMPLETE collection of Edgar Allan Poe from Barnes and Nobles for an amazing $20. And the book is gorgeous as well. I would gladly have paid more for it. Why? Because I love Poe? Well, sort of... Let me explain. For years and years I have been on the hunt for a true complete anthology of his. Most of the ones I found or ordered only had his well-known works and sadly my favorite Poe works do not fall into that category. It ties into a memory of time with my Granny and my mom. My Granny had a book of similar size to the one I purchased. The edges of the pages had tarnished gold leafing to them and the thin pages were finger worn. I loved that book so! Her and my mom would read me pieces from it, using different voices or playing up the rhymes... Or I'd sit as the sun rose or set, reading away on the loveseat. Unfortunately when I asked my Granny if I could possibly have the book many years back, she couldn't find it. It felt like I'd lost a friend of my childhood. Given how much we moved, I'm not surprised I likened a book to a friend. I have no "I've known them all my life" people friends besides my immediate family. So, finding this book and opening it to read the stories and poems of my youth is like a reunion of sorts. Silly to some, but some will understand. It's like a smell bringing a memory...
6. Being Motivated. Yes, when I write it out I am still intimated and scared shitless by all I have left to conquer. But that's okay, I can still stand tall and face it. I will not bow in the storm of uncertainty, but stand tall and fake the brave face if I must. It was something I was once great at doing, but lost in the trying last months of school. Well, not lost but buried under doubt and fear. Here I stand, pen in hand, looming o'er the list and reading to hack at it with confident strokes.... yeah, a little melodramatic but you get the picture. Winning is having the motivation to WANT to finish it all. To attack my goals and dreams with gusto again.
Anyway, there's the short list. And yes, it's the short list. I'll be studying to attack my first registry exam near the end of this month, then I have to attack the other one. I'm working like crazy and I've impressed my new boss (always a bonus right). Still in the process of getting ready to move.
I'm still writing, but with everything else it's taken a back burner. I also think I had too many projects on the table at once. Digital Digest is going through a makeover and I'm going to use that opportunity to lay out my projects and finish them one by one. If I can do that, I'll have several completed works. *smiles*
So, peace out for now friends. I have to shower and go attack the night at work. Wish me luck and remember what "winning" truly means to you. Then, when anyone mentions "winning", you can just smile and nod knowing that you are. If you're not winning you need to have a long talk with the scorekeeper since the only important score is the one you're keeping. *winks*
So, peace out for now friends. I have to shower and go attack the night at work. Wish me luck and remember what "winning" truly means to you. Then, when anyone mentions "winning", you can just smile and nod knowing that you are. If you're not winning you need to have a long talk with the scorekeeper since the only important score is the one you're keeping. *winks*
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