The Beast Gets Bitten...

So my mom and my mother in law went toe to toe yesterday. It was amazing! (if you need a recap on my MIL, read THE BEAST)

It all started when I mentioned a few landscaping ideas to Mike and my mom. As it stands the outdoor plantings are pretty outdated and not very well done. Apparently someone flunked landscaping 101 and planted away after flunking.

Of course the MIL chimes in with "What? Why? You can't do that!"

What I can't do is tear out these ugly evergreen bushes planted too close to our porch and are only good for harboring mosquitoes and spiders. Being close to the porch/front door, it draws the bugs into the house- ICK! They also block the view of the cute porch. I plan on pulling them out and replacing them with low-lying shade-friendly plants. It'll be modernized and much prettier/inviting. I mean, who wants an uninviting front entrance?! Not to mention I'd like to be able to sit on the porch without being attacked. I'm highly sensitive to mosquito bites. I get HUGE welts. Blech...

After I laid out the idea and it was Mike approved, MIL chimes in with "It won't be symmetrical?! It HAS to be symmetrical!"

My mom cocked her head and I knew trouble was brewing. I responded simply by pointing out the landscaping wasn't symmetrical currently- one side of the porch being longer and all- and rarely is nature symmetrical. Again, MIL had to voice what was wrong with our plan. At that point, Mike and I were walking away to keep discussing our ideas. Effectively ignoring her protests the way we usually do. (Ideas, fine... outright protest, not allowed)

My mom couldn't let it slide and I hear, "It certainly does NOT have to be symmetrical. If they want to add a modern touch to the home, the asymmetrical approach would be perfect for them. They do tend to be more modern in their tastes anyway. And I believe they've decided without our input what they'd like to do."

Or something to that effect anyway. My mother was very nice about it, but you could still tell the beast had been dismissed. It's the Southern in our DNA... Well bless your heart... *grins* And, bonus... the Beast didn't mention anything else about our landscaping plans...

Well, until my dad hauled out the chainsaw. The woman practically fainted! There were three dead or half dead cypress trees we wanted removed and one small dead tree. I mean the tree was so dry, a stray match probably would have lit it up. "Oh My God! What are you cutting?! Whyyyyy??"

Now when the woman asks "why" she sounds like a five year old begging for candy. It's highly grating on my ears and my four month old nephew didn't appreciate the noise either. Since I was holding him at the time, it took all my power not to reach out and slap her. Momma Bear tendencies? Oh yes, I have them. Because my parents and Mike know me so well they all hightailed it out of the area. I was putting off my "Jenni Look" which, I've been told, is equivalent to having the devil grin at you. You know you're about to get your ass handed to you.

I handed my nephew off so he could find some quiet and stared at my MIL. "Are you kidding me?" I asked calmly. "The trees are dead or dying! Why keep them? And the tree in the yard is so dead, there's not a single leaf on it! Should we use it as a Halloween decoration?!"

She made to argue again and I waved my hand at her. "They're getting cut down, that's what WE want. Help or stay back."

Had my four year old nephew not been watching, I probably would have been nastier and maybe dropped her in the well. I resisted, barely. Not surprisingly she left shortly after. Apparently our final straw in the line of Things We Do Wrong was leaving the windows and front door open while we were out in the yard. Well, suck it woman. The house is in the middle of nowhere and there's nothing in it. The cross breeze was keeping the house cool, a necessity for a four month old sleeping babe.

The woman literally freaked out because the front door was unlocked and open (with the screen door closed). She actually kept sneaking into the house, shutting, and locking it. "There's no one inside... what if someone comes in?"

I threw my arms wide and screamed, "WHO?? There's no one around! And if they did, so what... what's there to take?!" Looking back, she sulked by staying away from all of us and then tried to make a big production out of leaving.... Sadly, all we felt was relief.

Ugh, the saga continues but I refuse to back away from my drawn line. Oh, did I mention she BEGGED to oil polish the kitchen cabinets. Mike turned her down on that one. Yep, the whole group of us was against her. I'm sure she went home and cried "victim" to the rest of her family. Thank goodness they all understand how annoying the woman can be. And I found out after the fact, the woman was telling my mother that she doesn't think Mike's purchase is smart money wise, blah blah blah. It prompted my mom to ask me if the woman was educated in anything.... No mom, not really. (the woman called Mike yesterday and said "OMG, did you know there's a hurricane??) The woman's redeeming quality... she somehow birthed and raised my darling Mike and... well, yeah that's all I got.

Now you're wondering what this has to do with writing. Simple, authors write what we know. The trials and tribulations of my private life somehow find a way onto the page. I've already planned a sequel for the unfinished Daria's Dating Dilemma aptly titled Daria's Marital Mishaps. I can guarantee an annoying mother-in-law will have a prominent feature in that work. Also, when I'm annoyed or angry I tend to work on my horror pieces. I just can't put romance into something when I'm battling the urge to smack someone. Maybe some authors can, but they must be stronger than me.